Stanley’s Big Ride

Stanley was apparently a very bored snake. I met him in my garage while unloading groceries and loading up a few Real Estate signs that I needed to deliver. I did not scream like a girl when I first saw him but I did swear like a good pirate. Grabbing my handy broom, I quickly shooed him out of the garage and onto the driveway. Of course, I realized too late that he now was headed for my van. YIKES. I scurried over and dropped to my knees to see where he went…nothing….cautiously I crawled around the van looking …until….there he was…lounging in the sun by the front door. I went over to shoo him away again and off he went. WHEW…back to my tasks.

Chiqui and I are headed out to run our errands…the sun is shining, it is a beautiful day, music on…perfect. Out of the corner of my eye I notice something flapping in the breeze on the passenger side area of my windshield. I think, huh, something got stuck on my wiper. A closer look and DAMN…that is not a string or a twig…it’s a SNAKE…yes that snake. Holy goodness…my first instinct is to leap from the car…BUT Chiqui is in the car too…and I am going 55 mph and I love my van…DAMN IT what to do. The darn thing is flapping all over and I’m thinking he will be beat to death. I have mixed feelings there but I do slow down a tad and he pulls back down into the hood/engine area and I can no longer see him.


I literally have one eye on the last place I saw him and one on the road. I take a right into a plaza and have to navigate through 6 stop signs before I get to an area where I can pull over into a field. In one swift motion I leap from the car with Chiqui and my phone! Dashing away I am swearing and yelling (not sure why) while dancing around…total pent up panic release. I have also called Tim…he answers and I let loose with a long string of swear words telling him there is a SNAKE in my car, outside on the windshield AND it disappeared into the engine area. My big ask is: Can it get in? He assures me NO it can not…I am debating with him…what about through the air vents…what about the wiring area? etc. No, he calmly tells me I am fine. I assure him I am NOT fine. Opening the hood of my car I look for it but from a distance…still hoping from foot to foot…nothing. We agree it probably fell out of the car…so I thank him and I get back into the car…but now I am just going to go home, I can’t stop twitching and looking around.

Riding the wind

I start to relax and get back up to speed. Then, Son of a bitch if he isn’t back…only now he is not flapping around like a wet noodle, he’s got it down now…a good 8 inches sticking up in the breeze…riding the wind. And I swear he is looking at me and smiling….loving the ride and perhaps the adventure. I can’t believe it. I know I will never make it all the way home and I don’t want to end up in a canal…so I head to the closest place I know I can go…Linda and Tunch’s. As I get close I call Linda….I’m coming in HOT…there is a snake in my car!!! She meets me in the driveway with the broom. Again I leap out of the car with Chiqui squealing…and hopping around. The snake…again, went into the engine area. We open the hood again…nothing…we shut it and are walking around looking for him…broom at the ready, maybe he fell out?

No such luck…he comes slithering out and is now soaking up the sun on the windshield….but he is not fully out. I reopen the hood thinking he is stuck…so we gently prod him to get him moving…finally he comes completely out of the engine area and we (me) scream and dance around. He drops off the car and moves into the grass…whew. Damn it, I am beat!

As I am driving home I have a few thoughts…there was more than one snake in my driveway earlier…how many snakes are there? Are these two a couple? Did I take a mommy or daddy snake away from it’s family and drop it off far away? Is there a nest of snakes in or near my home? Good Grief.

I will never know Stanley’s situation, but I do know he is doing well…every now and then Linda will let me know “my snake” was hanging out on her lawn, back porch or driveway…she wonders when I am going to come get him. 🙂

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